Yes, OHS professionals DO have a sense of humour .... well some do...

Company Policy

Start with a cage containing five monkeys. Inside the cage, hang a banana on a string and place a set of stairs under it. Before long, a monkey will go to the stairs and start to climb towards the banana.

As soon as he touches the stairs, spray all of the other monkeys with cold water. After a while, another monkey makes an attempt with the same result, all the other monkeys are sprayed with cold water.

Pretty soon, when another monkey tries to climb the stairs, the other monkeys will try to prevent it. Now, put away the cold water. Remove one monkey from the cage and replace it with a new one. The new monkey sees the banana and wants to climb the stairs. To his surprise and horror, all of the other monkeys attack him. After another attempt and attack, he knows that if he tries to climb the stairs, he will be assaulted.

Next, remove another of the original five monkeys and replace it with a new one. The newcomer goes to the stairs and is attacked. The previous newcomer takes part in the punishment with enthusiasm!

Likewise, replace a third original monkey with a new one, then a fourth, then the fifth. Every time the newest monkey takes to the stairs, he is attacked. Most of the monkeys that are beating him have no idea why they were not permitted to climb the stairs or why they are participating in the beating of the newest monkey.

After replacing all the original monkeys, none of the remaining monkeys have ever been sprayed with cold water. Nevertheless, no monkey ever again approaches the stairs to try for the banana.

Why not?

Because as far as they know that's the way it's always been done around here.

And that's how company policy begins...


All in a days work

A farmer being attended to by a junior doctor at a casualty department for a broken wrist was asked the standard question "How did you get the injury." He replied that he would tell the truth but you are not going to believe it.

Finishing some work in the cow shed he walked back over the yard towards his house when he noticed a stone in his boot. Just as he bent down to get the stone out, it started to rain heavily. He hopped into the nearest doorway and continued to shake his foot to move the stone.

A farmhand walking into the yard sees him with one hand resting on the electrical terminal box twitching his leg like a mad man. It looked like his boss was being electrocuted so he grabbed a lump of wood and following best safety practices "Broke contact" by whacking the farmers hand away from the electrical source.

His next job was to drive his boss to the hospital


The Bet

During manual handling training a strong young man at the construction site was bragging that he could out do anyone in a feat of strength. He made a special case of making fun of the site safety team.

After several minutes, the manual handling instructor had had enough.

''Why don't you put your money where your mouth is,'' he said. "I will bet a week's wages that I can move something in a wheelbarrow over to that site hut that you won't be able to wheel back.''

''You're on, old man,'' the braggart replied. ''Let's see what you got.''

The manual handling instructor reached out and grabbed the wheelbarrow by the handles. Then, nodding to the young man, he said, ''All right. Get in.''


Ouch

A man was sprawled across three entire seats in a theatre. When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered to the man, "Sorry sir, but you're only allowed one seat." The man groaned but didn't budge. The usher became impatient.

"Sir," the usher said, "If you don't get up from there, I'm going to have to call the manager."

Again, the man just groaned, which infuriated the usher who turned and marched briskly back up the aisle in search of his manager. In a few moments, both the usher and the manager returned and stood over the man. Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move him, but with no success. Finally, they summoned the police. The cop surveyed the situation briefly.

"All right, mate. What's your name?"

"Sam," the man moaned.

"Where you from, Sam?" the cop asked.

"The balcony."


Costume Party

A safety officer went to a costume party with a girl on his back. "What are you supposed to be?" the host asked. "I'm a snail," the safety officer replied. The host raised his eyebrows. "How can you be a snail when all you've got is that girl on your back?" "That's not a girl," the safety officer replied. "That's Michelle."

It Could Be Sydney

A bus carrying five passengers was hit by a car in St. Louis, USA, but by the time police arrived on the scene, fourteen pedestrians had boarded the bus and had begun to complain of whiplash injuries and back pain.


Accident Report

"Dear Sir:

I am writing in response to your request for additional information on the accident reporting form. I put "poor planning" as the cause of my accident. You said in your letter that I should explain more fully and I trust that the following details will be sufficient.

I am a bricklayer by trade. On the day of the accident, I was working alone on the roof of a new six-story building. When I completed my work, I discovered that I had about 500 pounds of bricks left over. Rather than carry the bricks down by hand, I decided to lower them in a barrel by using a pulley which, fortunately, was attached to the side of the building at the sixth floor. Securing the rope at ground level I went up to the roof, swung the barrel out and loaded the bricks into it.

Then I went back to the ground and untied the rope, holding it tightly to ensure a slow descent of the 500 pounds of bricks. You will note on my accident form that my weight is 135 pounds. Due to my surprise at being jerked off the ground so suddenly, I lost my presence of mind and forgot to let go of the rope. Needless to say, I proceeded at a rather rapid rate up the side of the building.

In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel, which was now proceeding in a downward direction at an equally impressive rate of speed. This explains the fractured skull, minor abrasions, and the broken collarbone, as listed in Section 3 of the accident reporting form.

Slowed only slightly, I continued my rapid ascent, not stopping until the fingers of my right hand were two knuckles deep into the pulley. Fortunately, by this time, I had regained my presence of mind and was able to hold tightly to the rope, in spite of the excruciating pain I was now beginning to experience.

At approximately the same time, however, the barrel of bricks hit the ground - and the bottom fell out of the barrel. Now devoid of the weight of the bricks, the barrel weighed approximately 50 pounds. As you might imagine, I began a rapid descent down the side of the building.

In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel coming up. This accounts for the two fractured ankles, broken tooth and severe lacerations of my legs and lower body. Here my luck began to change slightly. The encounter with the barrel seemed to slow me enough to lessen my injuries when I fell onto the pile of bricks, and fortunately, only three vertebrae were cracked.

I am sorry to report, however, that, as I lay there on the pile of bricks in pain, unable to move and watching the barrel six stories above me, I again lost my composure and presence of mind and let go of the rope."