Element: Man

Symbol: XY
Atomic Weight: 90 +/-30

PHYSICAL PROPERTIES:

o Solid at room temperature but easily gets bent out of shape.

o Fairly dense and sometimes flaky.

o Difficult to find a pure sample.

o Due to rust, aging samples are unable to conduct electricity as easily as fresh young samples.

o Portions of exposed surfaces sometimes covered with colorful graphics depicting hearts, eagles, flowers, assorted reptiles and the occasional inscription - including but not limited to "MOM".

o May simmer indefinitely and then suddenly boil over with no apparent previous physical change.

o Poor specimens are known to cause headaches in the female.

CHEMICAL PROPERTIES:

o Attempts to bond with Wo (element Woman) any chance it can get.

o Also, tends to form strong bonds with itself.

o Becomes explosive when mixed with Kd (element Kid) for prolonged periods of time.

o Pretty basic.

o Neutralize by saturating with alcohol.

USAGE:
o None really, except methane production.

o Good samples are able to produce large quantities on command.

oMainly ornamental at weddings, baptisms and class reunions if properly displayed.

o A reliable source of gem stones, fur, money and other resources - although extraction may be difficult.

HAZARDS:

o In the absence of WoMn, this element rapidly decomposes and begins to smell.

o If left unattended during any sports season, may turn into vegetable matter from overexposure to cathode tube radiation.

o  Although laws are complex, disposal of a specimen does not limit access to a specimen's resources. 

o With proper license, recycled specimens are sometimes considered superior for alloying with Wo. 

o  Future models will no doubt have a remote control embedded in upper limb by law.

Element: Women

Symbol: YY   (Why)  Pronounced "woe"
Atomic Weight: 50-80 (known to vary from 30 to 300)

PHYSICAL PROPERTIES:

o Surface usually covered with a painted film.

o Boils at nothing, freezes without reason or warning.

o Melts if given special treatment.

o Bitter if incorrectly used.

o Found in various states - from virgin metal to common ore.

o Yields to pressure applied to correct points.

CHEMICAL PROPERTIES:

o Has a great affinity for gold, silver, platinum, and precious stones.

o Absorbs great quantities of expensive substances.

o May explode spontaneously without prior warning and for no known reason.

o Insoluble in liquids, but activity greatly increased by saturation in alcohol.

COMMON USES:

o Highly ornamental, especially in sports cars.

o Can be great aid to relaxation.

o  A very effective cleaning agent

TESTS:

o Pure specimen turns rosy pink when discovered in a natural state.

o Turns green when placed next to a better specimen.

HAZARDS:

o Highly dangerous except when in experienced hands.

o Illegal to possess more than one.

o Most powerful money reducing agent known to man.

o Disposal laws are complex and very costly, however, some select specimens are acceptable for recycling.

Remember that a SDS must be updated every 5 years. These have probably been constant for 5 generations!