It is useful to have a repertoire of witticisms and retorts for all occasions. One speaker, when arriving at a meeting horribly late after a motor car mishap, stood up and said “Ladies and gentlemen, If you take nothing else away from this meeting with you tonight, please remember this piece of advice. When you are in the car and the brakes fail, aim at something cheap.” The audience were brought back on side by this jest.

Witticisms and retorts, or 'put downs', are useful for question and answer sessions where there is the possibility of a hostile audience. Extreme caution must be exercised with a put down. If the audience is supportive of the ideas of the interjector, the put down will alienate the group. You, the speaker, could be perceived as being arrogant. If the audience is with you, they will enjoy seeing the interjector put down.

Human nature is such that many people enjoy watching others being made to squirm. Rude?  Perhaps, but remember who started it.

n “People who offer good advice always offer it in the big economy size. Never the small size or even the family size but always the jumbo, economy size.”

n “All of us are born in a state of ignorance. Unfortunately some never change residence.”

n “If there's ever a price on your head - take it!”

n “Will you please follow the example of your head and come to the point!”

n “Now there's proof that not all oil cans are in the workshop.”

n “Why don't you move closer to the wall - that's plastered already!”

n “He's like a pin except that the pin has a bigger head and certainly more point.”

n “I wish his halo would fall a few inches so that it could become a noose.”

n “Every time he opens his mouth, some idiot starts talking.”

n “You have the manners of a gentleman. Either start using them or give them back.”

n “He loads live ammunition in his rifle but loads only blanks in the brain.”